“O” no, Orgasm Problems? — How to have an orgasm

Woman lying under bed sheets

Everyone knows what it feels like to not be able to come. In fact, a study by Chapman University revealed that 35% of women usually have difficulty reaching orgasm. For men, the number is 5%. That’s a pretty gaping orgasm gap!

You can be sure not everyone reported their problems in the study. That stat above also does not include people who only have issues from time to time. The thing to emphasize here is that people who only sometimes struggle to come do not have an orgasm disorder or anorgasmia. So, if you can’t come once in a while, that’s nothing to be concerned about. You’re still capable of climaxing. But when orgasms start to become such a rare treat you mark the calendar to remember how many months ago the last one was, you might have a problem. Because this is about more than experiencing pleasure. Orgasms are also a great way to relieve stress. They even boost the immune system. So, if you feel like you’ve forgotten how to have an orgasm, it’s time to do something about it. But how can you fix your orgasm struggles?

Woman lying on her back

Why can’t I just COME!?


Nobody likes to wait. But if we’re talking about climaxing during sex, stressing about outcomes doesn’t help. Especially if you’re already having a difficult time clearing your mind and staying in the moment. When you have sex with someone else, they might start to wonder. Did I do something wrong? Was I good enough? You may be thinking yourself, “why can’t I orgasm?” Both of you come away feeling you have somehow failed. Which of course is not true at all! That’s a lot of pressure for something that’s supposed to be fun.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just fake it? I mean, if you’re convincing enough, no one will be the wiser. Or maybe just accept things as they are and live with it... The answer is a no, that won’t help. Openness is the best policy here. And what’s more, there are tons of things you can do so you can climax like clockwork! The main thing is to figure out why you’re having trouble in the first place. Is it a certain position that doesn’t work for you? Maybe you need a different setting. Once you’ve eliminated all buzzkills, it’s time to start exploring what never fails to get you hot.

Man putting a hand in his pants

Can struggling to climax mean something is wrong with my body?

Most of the time, if he can’t come or she can’t come at all, the cause is rooted in stress, alcohol, or medications. But in some cases, an acute illness can be behind your orgasm troubles. We’re talking about serious conditions like diabetes or Parkinson’s disease. It’s always good to get a check-up and rule out anything along these lines first.

What are the psychological causes of orgasm troubles?

The most frequent reason people can’t come is stress. By a wide margin. But other emotions such as sadness and mourning can also make it difficult to let go and feel that amazing release. In other cases, it’s a relationship issue. If so, avoid pointing fingers or bringing up the problem all the time. Because you’ll only create a vicious cycle of blame, self-doubt, and pressure. In the worst case, the difficulty reaching orgasm gets worse, not better. If there are psychological issues causing your orgasm troubles, counselling such as couples therapy or sexual counselling can be the best way to get your “O” back.

Woman sitting in front of a window

What are specific tips on how to have an orgasm?


There are definitely things that help you let go so you can experience that sweet release whenever you please. Create a relaxed environment where you feel completely safe and comfortable. And this one is huge, always set aside tons and tons of time (see also our tips on having a slowgasm). But what if you don’t have any problem reaching orgasm when you’re alone? Then the issue could be what you’re doing together, or in which position. Sometimes, your partner might not know enough about what you like. And that’s easy to solve; all you have to do is talk about it!

How can women get that amazing orgasm feeling faster?

No orgasm? No problem! A great place to start is masturbating on a regular basis. This will help you get to know your body better. Over time, it also increases circulation and boosts the sensitivity of your erogenous zones and hotspots. Another cool thing about getting yourself off is that it teaches the body how to become aroused quickly. That’s an important step on the way to having vaginal orgasms. Wait, we’re still not done naming all the benefits of regular masturbation! All this practice will actually make your vagina stronger, so it feels like a snugger fit during sex. And that can increase pleasure and desire long-term — for both of you!

What can help men who have trouble climaxing?

If there are no medical or psychological issues to consider, with guys it’s often a matter of intensity, pressure, and friction. A penis ring can help in this case, even for mild cases of erectile disfunction, too. The ring works by helping to trap blood inside the penis, providing a fuller, harder erection — This way, the partner also feels more friction!

Man lying in bed, covering his face with his hand

What is the “orgasm gap”?


It’s not an orgasm problem if you can’t come from penetration alone but you can by stimulating the clitoris. In that case, all you have to do is make sure to focus on that part of your anatomy more during your sessions together! When that doesn’t happen, however, an orgasm gap can result. It’s sad this term exists. But unfortunately, it describes an all-too-common situation: she doesn’t come, but he does. Sometimes it’s the other way around. What’s certain is: gender equality is not a given when it comes to orgasms.

What can I do to shrink the orgasm gap?

To put an end to this, simply explain exactly what you need, where, and at what intensity so you can come! The cool thing is, you don’t even need words to do this. Next time you’re together, take the lead and move your partner into the position that works best for you. Or guide them until they’re touching exactly where you want. Another good option is to help them out with your own hands or bring a suitable sex toy into the picture. And if you’re worried that introducing a toy could intimidate your partner, there are tons of amazing couples toys out there that are designed to kick up the FUN-factor for both of you!

Vibrating Cock Ring NŌS

How can we have simultaneous orgasms?


You’re both good at getting each other to come separately. But you can’t both climax at the same time? Well, with the right technology, even that is no problem anymore. Because it just so happens, we’ve got a hot tip for you. The vibrating NŌS penis ring gives both of you all the FUN of a stronger, longer-lasting erection. But that’s not all. NŌS also stimulates the clitoris! It’s the perfect way to put an end to your orgasm issues and come together — anytime you please.